Connect the dots
“How do you know her,” my daughter asked curiously.
I smiled. I have been happily chatting with the same cashier at Whole Foods for several years (and at several locations). It’s pretty random. I don’t see her regularly, but I when I catch a glimpse of her smile I always wait in her line.
This got me thinking.
Most weeks my letter to you pours out of me. This week felt a little different. I had written a few drafts, trying to pinpoint the experience I wanted to share with you, when I realized it wasn’t a single moment, but a feeling. There’s been a common theme running with me for the past two weeks - connection.
We usually connect with people in our communities: school, work, family, neighborhood, or place of worship. These are all traditional places to find community and can be very valuable. But I think an expanded definition exists too. Your people can be anywhere and, I believe, are found everywhere.
Nowadays, we are often so bombarded with people that we don’t want to be “bothered” by anyone as we go about our day. Community seems to have a place and a time. Conversations with strangers or at gatherings have taken on a superficial level, feeling like an obligation rather than an opportunity.
Regular interaction with our communities means we engage in a relationship with those individuals. We fall into a pattern and have an expectation of what it will look like. It can be hard to break free from these molds. But I think a lot of us still feel pangs of loneliness. Meeting people isn’t necessarily hard, but connecting with people can be.
The truth is being around people doesn’t necessarily alleviate loneliness. It’s possible to interact with each other and not feel connected. Connection happens when we communicate at a deeper level. It can happen when we listen, when we ask questions with genuine interest, when we aren’t afraid to be vulnerable, and when we are curious.
We are connected compactly to our local communities, but when we step way back we’ll find we’re also connected like a constellation to a larger, grander thing.
You can absolutely find it in all the traditional places but it’s also hiding in the most unexpected places. I’ve had absolutely amazing conversations with people at airports, waiting rooms, school pick-up lines and checkout lines. Paying a compliment, offering a warm smile, or asking a sincere question has sparked a lot of things for me, but mostly joy.
I feel electric after I speak with someone and feel connected. It might be someone I’ve known or it might be a stranger. The fact that we may never see each other again is irrelevant because there’s a permanence in the impression of our meeting. A beautiful exchange of seeing someone and being seen is like helium creating a temporary lightness in my being.
Letting the world be a part of my community has positively impacted my life. As I’ve let go of judging myself, I’ve felt so free and unafraid to reach out to others. This week I’m encouraging you to extend your personal 5 C’s practice beyond just yourself.
Keep creating community with intention to regularly support yourself, but don’t be too busy you miss the possible community of random individuals out there. There are people who will cross your path and light up your life like fireflies in the night. Don’t miss out on the magic.
