The trouble with resilience

I walked out my front door 96 days ago and I’m learning something new about myself everyday.

Be grateful.

It’s a good motto, right? But how many times do you make yourself feel bad for having needs or thoughts that make you feel guilty?

I’m just coming out of my re-settling period for the fifth time during 288 Days. I’m in the Philippines on a world schooling journey that I am eternally grateful for - but it doesn’t change the fact that this trip is hard work.

It’s almost constant decision making, researching, planning, juggling, budgeting, managing my children’s needs and emotions, and managing my own. I’m grateful. So grateful. But I’ve also been lonely, sad, tired, overextended, and frustrated.

You know what makes it harder?

I also know I’m resilient. Knowing that about myself also makes me feel a little shame about having some of those hard days. I’m “supposed” to move past those things because I’m living this amazing 288 Days. Am I just being a baby?

This past week, when the sanitary conditions of my bathroom were an issue, when I felt lonely, or when my kids had heavy emotional loads, I got down. My logical mind kept reminding me that I’m grateful. That things aren’t that bad. But I could feel it in my cells that my being wasn’t in a good place. And that disconnect, that I-shouldn’t-feel-like-this-is-a-big-deal voice was actually stopping me from moving through what I felt. It was making me feel stuck in a low place.

I couldn’t let it go because I wasn’t really allowing myself to feel it all…

It’s so easy to be hard on yourself when life feels hard.

If you know you’re a hard worker, a get the job done person, resilient, dependable, or any of those “good” traits, you’re likely exceptionally hard on yourself.

Last week, I uncovered this aha:

✨ You don’t have to make it tougher when life’s already tough. You get to make it easier✨

That’s where the growth is. Being kind to yourself. Being patient with yourself. Giving yourself the room to cry.

Showing yourself self-compassion doesn’t make you less likely to get the job done. It makes sure you stay in the game. The long game.

Thriving is knowing how to make decisions based on what needs to be done and what you need.

The next time you’re having a hard day and you hear yourself judging how you feel, try this:

⏸ Hit pause.

We don’t make our best decisions when we feel low. To pause is a high ROI decision.

🔎 Identify what’s bothering you.

Accept that this thing/person/event is hard for you. Release the should or supposed to voices. Reconnect and love yourself.

👯 Share it with a friend who knows how to listen.

Our troubles need space and when they are heavy for us, you can find the right person to share it with and lighten your load. That lightness will offer you clarity.

🌈 Do something nice for yourself.

You’re the first person that gets to be nice to yourself. And you’re the only person who knows exactly what she needs. Know yourself well so you know what you need.

Microdosing your happiness is the fastest way through tough and to find your way back to yourself.

Sending love and gratitude xx