She’s born with it

Tell me I’m not the only one who’s seen a put-together, confident person and thought for sure they must’ve been born that way.

In high school, it was the ‘it’ crowd. In college, I admired the social butterflies. Later it would be colleagues that spoke up. Each and every one of those people seemed to possess this no-fear aura. And I wanted it.

I wanted it the way you might want an amazing sequin jacket in a boutique window. I dreamt about it. I tried it on. But I didn’t buy it for the longest time. Who was I to go around valuing myself and my ideas?

I was stuck in that distractive state that had me doubting myself. My focus was on all that I wasn’t. While I could feel confident in certain situations, there were still so many moments when I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin.

Lack of confidence is really fear.

Fear of the loss of love, safety, connection, acceptance. When you live from a void, you cannot escape it. You and I, we share a common history but an individual journey. We may have both suffered from feelings of lack, but each of us will need to find our own path out of it.

While the journey is unique, the tools I offer are universal.

CONFIDENCE is the third element in a constructive lifestyle. And it feels so good.

I know now that confidence is more quiet than showy. It’s more about what I believe than what I know. It’s also something that can only grow within me, if I exercise it. It requires action, which is why it comes after Clarity and Control.

These first three C’s are like your roots. They will ground you. Clarity, Control and Confidence reconnect you to yourself and help you to evolve. They move you towards love and away from fear.

This C is about allowing yourself to feel all that good around you and within you. How often do you take the time to bask in your success? I mean this as a solo endeavor - a conversation you have with yourself that honestly assesses (that means judgement free) your wins and your uniqueness. You bring something to the world that no one else can.

Confidence is also a faith, or trust, in myself, in others and in the world around me. What is meant for me will find me and what misses me was never meant for me. It’s where you learn to live in the moment.

Living for the process over the outcome expands your skills and mindset in a way that makes success inevitable.

Remember you are redefining terms now.

Every step you take holds in it the possibility to know yourself more deeply. Each choice, action, thought, brings you closer to owning your strengths and understanding where you can keep growing.

Okay!! Now, go back to your tools: Awareness, Intention, Perception and Choice with these two prompts.

How can you witness what’s happening now and help that build you up to reach all that you want?

• Make a list of all your wins! It doesn’t matter how big or small – own it.

• Write down what success means to you. Now, follow that guide!