I got ambushed

Sometimes we do something and we suddenly know that it wasn’t the right choice. But there are other times where it’s a slippery slope and we don’t realize we’ve made a wrong turn for quite some time.

A week ago, I was on a high. A talk I had given at Boston University left me energized and excited to keep sharing my message. I knew it would be great momentum to pick back up with my book writing. With fresh clarity, insight, and time, I got to writing.

I got super organized and developed a fresh outline. (My fourth one.) Rewriting seemed to be easier than reorganizing old thoughts so, off I went. I felt possessed in a good way. But four days in, I realized I was getting obsessed.

I know I’m losing control of my mind when I can’t fall asleep. Revolving thoughts are unproductive. And unproductive thoughts always lead to unproductive actions.

The all-nighter I pulled was the last straw. What was I doing??! I was feeling exhausted, like I was running in circles. I was regressing and I could see myself derailing…all in the name of productivity.

My intuition caught on earlier than I did. Thankfully I had already scheduled a meeting with my editor giving myself a hard deadline. As the day approached, I gave my pages over and I let go.

Control can only be exerted on ourselves. The outcomes and futures we hope for are built on the action we take moment to moment.

I came back to investing in the now. I came back to trusting that all will turn out as it’s meant to. I remember that what is meant for me will find me…

What was meant for me was another lesson in trust-building. I’m happy to report that my book is coming along, slowly but surely. The pages and my own story continue to evolve.

For any of you who might struggle with letting go -

I wanted to share a visualization I do that helps me keep my faith in the Universe (and myself).

• Take a deep breath.

• Close your eyes and picture yourself cupping your hands together.

• Now imagine the thing that you’re trying to control, the thing that you’re grasping onto. (For me, it was the dream of what I want my book to be.)

• Next, imagine the thought, written on a piece of paper, turns into an origami crane.

• The beautiful bird sits in your palms. Bring it up towards your mouth and give it a soft blow.

• The bird and your desire are released. You get to let go and let your dreams take flight.