Birthing my future

Motherhood is full of…well, let’s just say it’s both full and emptying. It continues to be a role that defines me and yet leads me closer to boundless freedom. It’s an ongoing process of learning how to keep myself consistently closer to full.

As I prepare daily for the 288 day journey ahead of me, I’m taken back to where my parenting journey officially started.

Birthing day…

I had planned for the delivery of my first child to be totally text book. And being the perfectionist that I was, I had also planned to ace it. (Spoken like a true newbie! 😂)

If you’re a parent, I hope you’re laughing with me right now because you know what I’m going to say. It was anything but picture perfect.

😱 When that first big contraction hit, I was floored. I was surrounded by my grandmother, mother, and husband. Each of them eager to help. And I was looking to them for some kind of rescue, a reprieve from the work that ultimately was my work alone.

There were many moments I wished I could take it all back or maybe just keep my son in utero forever. Eventually, I stopped trying to hit the undo button and accepted that the only way was forward. But contraction after mighty contraction, I kept longing for someone else or something else to make it all better.

The second time around, I was determined (desperate) not to have another 30 hour labor. You can imagine my great relief when my contractions began and my mother cautioned me that the second one comes faster. Thank goodness I thought.

Her words could not have been more true.

I labored quietly, and alone. Just me and my bathroom for 45 minutes while my husband was gently putting our two-year-old to bed.

I had no one to look to pleadingly. It was just me and the contraction-timing app my husband handed me. I had to rely on myself. But this was the gift. I got to rely on myself. I was a little more experienced this time around, a little less afraid. I recalled a little more from my birthing class and this time I did have a textbook experience. I felt like superwoman when I birthed my daughter at home, in under an hour. Just me, my husband, my sleeping toddler and our newborn.

It was a night and day experience. And this isn’t about doing life alone. You and I, we were meant to live in community. And you and I, we were also meant to know our own strength. To test it. To expand it. 🦸🏻‍♀️

I’m relying on the strength of this message as more unknowns pop up around being gone, navigating foreign travel, and just wondering how I’ll hold up as a traveling parent (and human in general).

As our departure window shrinks, my courage and faith grow to fill the gaps. I feel more and more filled with excitement and possibility.

Leaving you with a little food for thought…

Maybe you don’t have to keep waiting for someone or something else. Maybe the answer isn’t outside you. This is my invitation to you to look within. You’re strong. You’re capable. You’ve got this.

✨ What you need is already within you and around you. Trust that you are supported. ✨