A good kind of plastic

Ever say to yourself (or someone else) that you just ‘are’ short-tempered/forgetful/impatient/scatter-brained?

Maybe you find you make excuses for your behavior by blaming your personality. You’re certain that you’ve inherited your behavior patterns like you inherited your eye color.

Don’t confuse who you are for how you choose to respond (or react) to a situation.

It’s really easy to believe that we are born a certain way. People have probably been telling you what you ‘are’ since you were a kid. And you probably believed them. I know I did.

About a decade ago, I came across a concept that stopped me in my tracks – neuroplasticity. It’s the idea that our minds are plastic, or moldable. Our minds are capable of learning new ways to do things.

Maybe you’ve heard about neuroplasticity. Basically, it’s what scientists call our ability to continually learn and re-learn things.

What’s so great about that?

It means you can choose to experience life differently. So much of what you think you ‘are’ is based on conditioning and habit.

Your beliefs are created early by the experiences you have and the labels you are given. Those beliefs became the story you unknowingly tell yourself. That story is the lens through which you see yourself and the world. Your behavior is just a result of a bunch of habits. Behavior is how we choose to react to situation.

Yes, I said choose.

Don’t feel like you are choosing how to respond? You’re not alone. Our brains are always trying to find ways to save energy by making decisions quickly. That means thoughtlessly choosing the same way of responding.

And that’s how we end up feeling we ‘are’ a certain way.

What a novel idea. I can learn to behave in new ways. I am capable of choosing something different. (That means you are too.)

Are you ready to break some old patterns? Feel something different? You can.

• Get aware. What’s happening right now? What would you like to change?

• Get intentional. Clearly decide what it is that you want.

• Get perspective. Slow down. Support yourself by reevaluating how you see things.

• Get active. Choose to find the pause – that space between what happens and your response.

Patience and self-compassion are essential. Cycling through these four steps will move the needle. Progress is the goal, not perfection.

There’s a big difference between being in control and being controlling.

It’s easy to confuse controlling with the real power (and peace) that comes with being IN control. Let these four steps, on repeat, get you closer to what you really want. 

Control is a perk of living a constructive lifestyle - a place where you lay a strong foundation to support the life you want.