Hey, look!
Distraction is everywhere.
It’s easy for our focus to reside outside of ourselves. Pleasing, comparing, despairing, and judging are all built into the way we consume, communicate and interact with those around us (and with ourselves).
Last week I encouraged you to take a moment to identify where you are and how you’re feeling so, you could begin to understand what you want to hold on to and what you want to let go of.
I know I refer to constructive living as a destination, but it’s a place that resides within you. It’s your natural state that encourages you towards growth, love, and compassion, Life doesn’t magically become easy here, but it does have ease.
We are able to give more freely because we have more to give. All that energy we used to waste on fighting ourselves can be redirected. We aren’t choosing between ourselves and others. We can serve both.
Distractive living is deceptive. It tries to trick us into believing that self-development is selfish or an unworthy goal. It also seems to give us just enough that we think we’re on the right track.
The truth?
If we are unable to love and care for ourselves, our capacity to love and care for others is diminished. We use the same lens to see ourselves and the world around us. If we judge, compare and criticize ourselves, we inevitably do the same to others.
You can absolutely find success within the distractive space. I did. But it was mostly external, a kind of two-dimensional success (as in it looks great on paper, but doesn’t feel as great in real life). A reality that falls flat. It has me doing over being.
I used to think my desire was the problem. That finding positive internal feelings meant I needed to want less things and live a more austere life. But things aren’t bad or good. Things are neutral. It was my reason for wanting them that was the shift into a more constructive state.
Think of it like this. A job is neutral. Wanting that specific job because it brings me joy and closer to doing the work that lights me up or helps me serve others is positive. Wanting that same job because I think the title holds more prestige might mean I want it to prove I am worth something or belong somewhere.
It misses the point that we are all equal in this world. Our job, family, address, desires, don’t change our value. They simply give us different choices and opportunities. We as individuals don’t lose or gain status, value, importance, relevance, purpose. We are constant.
This inner work is not selfish. It’s a way to fully show up in the world. Offer our best.
I know this because I’ve tried it both ways. And I still find myself doing it on and off. Sometimes all I can see are the things that aren’t happening for me at work, the ways my children disrespect me or the ways my husband drives me nuts. I find myself fighting instead of flowing. Life loses its ease.
But then, I come back to my practice. I remember that I want to feel good. That there is good all around me. I believe it and then I see it. I see it everywhere. In the small love notes my daughter leaves me. In the random I love yous my son gives me. In my husband’s embrace. In the roof over my head. In the food on my table. It’s there – waiting to be seen.
Use awareness to identify where you are AND where you want to be/feel/go.
Stay with me each week. I’ll keep breaking down each element to help you get a better feel for this place of ease within you and teach you the tools to help you stay in this zone.
Let’s get you on an upward spiral.
Looking for some guidance?
Here are some questions to help bring you back to yourself. This time think through not just where you are, but what change, if any, you want to feel/see.
(Refer back to my free download for a more in-depth walk through.)
How do you feel about the different areas in your life? (home, relationships, health, finances…)
What emotion do you feel most often? What would you like to feel more often?
How do you react to other people? How do you react to the difficult parts of your day? How would you like to respond?
Where do you feel good? (home, work, with friends…)
When do you feel good? (work, home, painting, dancing, morning, evening…)
What’s one small thing you do to stay inspired daily? What do you love to do? (read, walk, connect with a friend, cook a new recipe, travel, try something new…)
How does your body feel? How does your mind feel?
What’s your energy level like? What would you like it to be?
